How do you take a bath in Korea? Let me tell you how I just did it. I washed over my sink and shaved my legs by propping them up on my toilet lid. Yes, a toilet lid can have more uses than just one when you’re in an efficient country like Korea…
My Korean bathroom (sink/toilet/shower compressed in the same room) is smaller than my NYC apt bathroom
But all smart-assing aside… You haven’t heard peep from me in a while as I’ve been in an intense transition, which just hit rocky; and the “rocky” is something I’m working through. I’ll fast-forward over my escape from the draft of flu, my partial hearing loss due to airplane travel with a cold and my suspended bowel movement which had me alarmed for several days. I will blow past my initial romance phase with Korea- my wonderful EPIK orientation, experiencing Korea for the first time, the “Oh snaps, I love being here!” No- I’m gonna start my Korean blogging with my first “real” GRRRL whimper… the moment when “yours truly” turned girlie whiny and wanted to book the first flight home!
My bed
They say first impressions count in Korea
… like dressing well, welcoming a new colleague/newcomer and maybe even taking them to dinner after a 3-4 hr long bus ride (and at that point, even a McDonalds will do…). Nada. Instead, my co-teacher picked me up and drove me to my apartment, letting me know our school/my apartment is located in one of “poorer”, more “remote” areas of Daegu and that the job of co-teacher was something she didn’t have a say in. Our co-teacher (abbrev: CT) is native to our school and the support we were told would help us with our move, but upon our meeting, she was smiling and letting me know that she burdened with by responsibility of it.
My apt building
We arrived at a 3-story nondescript and unthrilled-looking apartment tucked into a dark ass-crevice of a street alley. I met my predecessor Suzi, the EFL teacher before me- a young Canadian girl with rosy cheeks, a cartilage piercing which says ‘partial hippie’ and whose backpack was roaring for Thailand. She quickly ran through the operations of the apartment and left me with a tiny 3×5″ notebook paper scribbled with pass-keys for the apartment doors entries (my apt bldg is all electronic and has no keys), the address of my school so that I could have my mail forwarded there (the apartment is a hit or miss with the mailman and taxis), a tiny hand-drawn map to the subway and the name of the subway stop for E-mart (the Korean K-mart). Just as quickly as Canadian Suzi whizzed through the instructions of my apt, she and my CT were off to the airport. My CT left me her phone number (even though I don’t have a phone) with instructions that she would pick me to take me to my first day of school… three days later.
Suzi's instructions- note the crinkly of it is from all my clenching so as not to lose it.
That was it. Outside of Suzi’s tiny map and instructions, I knew nothing about my area. I knew nobody. I was alone.
45 minutes after arriving in Daegu, my excitement…
dwindled. I was now dazed, confused and housed in the seemingly “shadier side of town” with not much to do. Alone in my new one bedroom apartment, my starving vegetarian stomach was giving off an audible growl of “lost and lonely”. Unpacking, I noticed little “welcome gifts” left from Suzi… crumbs, old refrigerator food and a thick coat of dust around, under and behind my bed. The bed padding and linens were a lovely shade of “used”, spotted and had grown some blond strands of Suzi-hair in the process. The bed was rickety and the “mattress” was a bunch of springs with a thin layer of dirty-looking padding. My chest started to constrict and I didn’t know whether I wanted to cry or to clench my chest and say “Ouch”. I didn’t know if having a cigarette would make me go into cardiac arrest or chillax me. A two-word mantra played in my head: Quit tomorrow!
Life is all about presentation. Presentation colors our first impressions of things. I might have been blindly happy, had someone just lied to me about my location, but no…
Cleaning it up
Unleashing my SoluMel (because I like to "Kill bugs dead")
As an Asian-American, I speak fluent “Asian”.
The first impression of my new host was colored in the shade of bleak. Being a watered-down Asian-American who may not speak fluent Korean or Japanese, doesn’t mean I slack on my expectations for other Asians, when it comes to knowing/expecting a proper Asian welcome. In fact, sometimes we tend to be inadvertently more critical of on our own kind, as we are all raised with a similar discipline towards tradition; and there’s simply no excuse for being a bad Asian when you live in Asia!
Hostels abroad vs. Homes abroad: the difference between dating and marriage.
As a traveler, I’ve roughed it before and in invariably worse ways… insect-infested rooms, rooms without ventilation or sleeping bundled up with layers of scarves, mittens and coats to avoid the cold or…bundled up to my eyeballs to avoid mosquito bites. So why am buckling in this one-bedroom mildly furnished apartment of warmth, which to an average New Yorker may seem (aside from the bathroom…) pretty palacial?
Why? Simply put- I am ball-and-chained to my situation for a year! I liken this to my vegetarian dietary habits abroad. For instance, when backpacking through a developing country or meat loving society (and not a vegetable is in sight), I know there’s an eventual end to my starvation rainbow. Though I can’t taste it, I can see it. But when you’re contracted to a country for a year, there’s no way to hold out on eating for that length of time unless you’re a Buddhist monk! You must either make concessions, which you will not like or changes which are more effort than its worth. Me, being chained to a potentially lame situation spells a bad marriage to have to live with and I won’t do it.
911: The Immediate Panacea for Panic
I’d love to say I dug my claws in and handled my panic with a steel-cut New Yorker GRRR! But this did not happen. I was “freaking out”, didn’t think I could make it past a week and called the one number which was foremost fresh in my mind . It was the number of a quite solid, but roguish U.K. lad- Adam- whom I’d been briefly acquainted with through my orientation.
Adam presents the Korean irony to emergency situations
…And that’s how friends are made! (Ironically, this introduction scenario to my new Korean location is a very similar story to my N.Y.C move also- life repeats itself- but I’ll get into that 911-stranded story only if I need to…) Adam was kind and understanding and put me up for the night. His situation wasn’t perfect either- his apartment was still unmade, but his school/ co-teachers were generous to provide accommodations for him, until they could go shopping with him for furnishings the next day.
Expat life: When loneliness calls, sometimes you have to run to your instinctual safety.
When you’re feeling panic, lost and lonely in a foreign country you’ve just moved to, building a bridge to familiarity and support is key. Sometimes, you don’t have time to develop a support group or “make friends”, but you make the best out of your limited resources and the kindness of people whom you’ve met along the way. I went through my EPIK orientation with approximately 100 other newbie Daegu-placed EFL teachers like myself. New to Korea and the EFL teaching experience, we are like solo travelers, who met as strangers and share a similar journey.
My fellow EPiKers having a nite out in Daegu
While I’d like to have more than just expat friends, knowing other expats can feel essential to the grounding process. Expats help you gain a better perspective and understanding of your own situation. Our experiences were all varied and mine stood somewhere in the middle of the road- not the worst and definitely, not the best. Comparing notes of our experiences with our new apartments, co-teachers and school expectations from us, made me feel infinitely better about my challenge and allowed me to put my situation into proper perspective.
Things to try when you’ve moved to a new place & you begin freaking out:
1) Remain flexible and open.
Try to never have expectations about how things will turn out. This was my killer
2) Keep some of your normal routines (i.e. your workout program, yoga, meditation).
This helps you to own your new space, your place and stabilize the shifting of your life.
3) Give yourself time and the situation/people a second chance.
Try your best to suspend your judgement and verdict. Wait for the light of day and things may look different… or not.
4) Take a day to explore your area and find the romance in it.
Be curious about it and the people- find ways to fall in love or find familiarity with it. Own your location by making small connections through a favorite grocery store, etc… Check out the resources you do have in your area.
5) Be active- join activities, expat meetups and clubs… make friends.
6) Remember- Everything happens for a perfect reason and in some way, what you get is something you need.
Explore the lesson you might learn and think about the a higher reason/goal/responsibility that might change your experience into a positive one. For me, it’s been a dream to provide education to children who are under-privileged. This reminds me that in a way, this situation is not an accident.
7) Definitely 911-it for help or support when you feel you need it.
Other people can lend you an alternate perspective, a word of advice, a friendly ear to help put your own feelings/situation into perspective.
Trial periods, holding your breath and waiting it out
Do I feel wimpy? Hell yeah! In the grand scheme and from what I hear about others’ situations, my situation and living space is really not bad or the worst it could be. Still, I had my fragile moment… Thankfully, this wasn’t my very first impression of Korea- I’m still very excited by it. I love being in this country and I’m all for giving things and people a second chance. For now, I’ll just give it some time and see…
Enjoyed your post, can relate to it, albeit not in such an extrrrreme manner. I hope by now you had a good DRINK with your expat friends, which fuses a lighter bond between you….the appetizer to a friendship perhaps?
That said, hopefully the cockroaches/bugs/snails/worms/fleas/ticks stayed away.
Cheers from sunny NY
Terrific article, Christine! Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. I have had situations in the past like this that have freaked me out and didn’t handle it quite as well as you did, but then, I was a lot younger then, too. I felt your panic about the year-long commitment, having had no real idea what you were getting yourself into. For what it’s worth, I think you did absolutely the right thing in seeking out support and a friend. Why do you have no phone? I imagine that would help as well–at least you could call home to your support network.
I read, I wept and now I don’t know what to do to make your situation get better. Hang-in there and don’t let the “bed-bugs” bite. We love you and be strong. Pi’i hou ka ikaika (grow strong)
Hey Christine, just stumbled upon your blog in a search, but glad to find it
. Sorry to hear your start in Daegu wasn’t all you hoped for. I had a pretty rough start too. Slept on the floor all weekend since I don’t have any furniture yet, and still haven’t figured out how to turn on the hot water. Hope your first week starts getting better!
I’m going to try and find a yoga studio to check out in the next week or so if you’re interested!
@Gina: Hey Konglish! It’s cool to share blogs w/ you. Yeah, I guess I’m finding everyone’s experience ranges across the board. Your CT ddn’t explain the hot water?! Look for a control somewhere in yr apt (might look like an AC control?)– mine operates the ondol (floor heating) & the on/off for the hot water. But yr apt might also be different… Would love to check out yoga w/ you. Where are you? I imagine u must be in central Daegu to imagine u have that option, huh? LOL.
@Gray: Thanks- I don’t really think I handled it well…
Korea & Japan have their own CDMA phone networks, so GSM mobiles don’t work here…not a signal. You need an alien resident card & an KR native to foot the contract for an actual phone (they pay your bill, you pay them). Interesting, right? Alternate option: get a prepaid phone or a phone card but you’d be amazed at how many times i’ve walked into a phone store & said “prepaid phone” (in my best Asian accent) & gotten shrugs. That’s why when my CT gave me her phone number, I wanted to laugh. Skype does work here tho.
@Katja: Thanks… I “pretend-drink” (that’s xtra calories to have to burn off & with all this rice I’m eating & sitting i’ll b doing for the year, I’m hoping to avoid porking up!) I’m there in spirit tho! As for the little critters- I’ve got that solumel, a plastic sheet covering and 2 xtra layers of padding to give me peace of mind when I sleep. I can get pretty heebie about these things. But just wait… the story gets better!..
quite solid? I hate the word quite!!! Almost but not really there!!! And if Id known I was posing with escape rope (one escape far worse than the other) and I would at least have smiled, although it does go some way to depict my “quite solid”ness. Things wil come together and think I should at least be quoted in a few of your “things to try”!!! haha!!!
@uk lad Adam: Don’t be offended- I did give you “rogue-ish” & that’s an intensely cool character word… better than “solid”. Solid is a one-dimensional stone-cast word; rogueish operates multi-dimensionally & can handle danger & inopportune things. I’d trust rogueish over solid any day…
Glad to hear from you!!! Sounds like a typically first day in a new country. (“Dear Lord, what have I done?”)
Just hang in there and you’ll do great, girl!
BTW, you’re apartment looks so much nicer than my house. I have no hot water, so I have to walk to my boyfriend’s house to shower every morning. Lame. I like the floor and the wall color in yours.
Clean that mattress, though!
[...] really enjoyed this entry by Christine Ka’aloa at GRRRLTraveler, GRRRL Goes Whimpery in Her New Korean Location. What do you do when you commit yourself to working in Korea for a year, arrive there all [...]
Oh honey! You are so not wimpy. It’s normal to react that way. So bloody normal! You still stuck in there and are doing it – I adore you even more now.
I wonder if we should ever meet, as a former smoker (me), we might start puffing away together, plus drinking – which means we become life long buddies. That would be cool, but based on smoking & drinking… what am I saying? THAT WOULD BE COOL!!
I love, love your guide to helping other gap year folks out. Anyone freaking out or worried should read this!
And I think it’s super irresponsible of your co-teacher to instill fear about “bad neighbourhoods”. Nor would I listen to it. Explore it for yourself and make a conclusion. It’s not like you’re teaching in war zone.
PS: We would not pretend drink, btw.
Sounds like to the all-too-familiar welcome to Korea! Hopefully your co-teacher is better in the classroom as your co-teacher will make or break your teaching experience. Adjusting to Korea is hard, even for travel-hardened people. It a lot of ways it isn’t the most welcoming place to be, but you’ll slowly get used to it.
We’re on our way out of here, but if you come to Seoul in the next month, let us know. Feel free to ask any other questions to us as well, we’re full of “survival” advice.
Hehehe. Welcome to Korea!
I contracted directly with my local education office, so I didn’t have any kind of orientation. I was picked up at the airport, after which my supervisor tried to con me into staying with her parents for the weekend so that she could use me to tutor her kids for free. NO WAY. After that I was unceremoniously dumped at my apartment and told to show up at school in four days. I didn’t know where anything was, and since my debit card didn’t work in the only ATM in town, I had no money either. I knew there was only one other foreigner on the entire island, and I had no way to contact them.
Those were a long four days, let me tell you.
Oh yeah, and your CT telling you that your essentially an unwanted burden? That’s pretty normal for Korea, unfortunately.
I enjoyed reading your article! I’m also sorry to hear about your poor welcome, but you’re courageous for staying. Nonetheless, it will get better because you and I will have fun. There are great vegetarian restaurants downtown as well as lots to do. I am nothing but less than a 10 min bus ride downtown…and it’s a straight shot down the street from my apt. A taxi from my apt to downtown is ONLY $3.00. Let’s do it and have fun in Korea for the rest of the yearly contract…SMILE!!!
@Nomadic Chick- Thnx for yr support Jeannie! Hearing some other stories, I am a spoiled & bratty wimp! ha ha.. I hope we DO get to meet at some point & I will definitely drink then! Big hugs on that gap year interview- it turned out really great!
Thinking… “a poor neighborhood” is probably defined by Korean standards as no big malls, big brand stores or big apartment buildings. LOL. It is a poor suburb but not rural & it is safe. I may just have the best of both worlds right now.
@Laura Cancun Thanks, for the encouragement, lady. No hot water… not fun. Remember when I was in Thailand & just could not get a hot/warm bath anywhere. I was so starved for it; first day of my return to the States, I had to stop my bath after 5 min b/c it started leaking thru the neighbor’s ceiling. I was so upset- was really looking forward to that. BTW- that mattress has solumel & 3-4 coats of covering over it!
@Kyle @Kelsey: Are you guys trying to freak me out more? You want to send me running right? LOL. j/k
@Kyle Crum Ha ha.. Thanks for the offer- will let you know if I make it out. Hoping for a Seoul visit at some point. Yes, was told the CT is one of our biggest make/breaks. I wonder if Korean people are a bit like NYers? Rough exterior but given time, there’s real heart! Feeling like its the system that’s flawed (vs the person) so am giving it time & understanding. Going in w/ a lot of positive attitude! My CT is starting to show golden under her surface. Each day, I can feel her support a bit more. We’ll see…
@Kelsey: Read many scary stories like yours… Way to hang in there and survive it like a master!!! Me- I didn’t want the slightest risk of “shady” . I went w/ Teach Away, a recruiter of the EPIK program (a gov. program & very legit). The orientation- treatment was *outstanding*. We learned a lot (prob too much) & it unconsciously raised our expectations. Bit like feeding a calf before the slaughter! LOL. The CT part- I get it now & am developing a new respect for my CT! Seen the system in action- Korean teachers get thrown responsibilities at the last minute, have to take it & don’t get paid for it. My CT gets a lot thrown on her & w/ 2 kids in 1st grade, its a LOT. Last Fri she got handed 5 new English/NT programs to create/ implement w/i the next 1-2 wks for a range of things. And we don’t get much money for resources. Feel like Korean people are a product of their system…& their system is very “last-minute”.
@Arnetia : OMG. “Vegetarian”. Your pants were falling off you at orientation & now mine are getting loose too. Reading a Hangul menu takes so much time & then I can’t always translate it. “Kogi Oppsoyo” (w/o meat) apparently only means red meat but not chicken, etc.. Other day, I actually enacted the game show X & acted like a chicken. Being vegetarian here is going to be a bit harder than I thought. Let’s get together soon!
What an honest—and funny—post. I’m the queen of excitement/expectation let-downs, so I can totally relate. But something tells me you’re going to be just fine…
Hey Christine!
On my first day in Busan, I got lost in my own neighborhood.I turned corners, walked up stairs. Walked up a ramp, and ugh… I couldn’t figure out how to get back home. Thank God that I copied the hangul from a building next to my apartment. A kind and smart taxi driver knew the building and took me home. He said “first time?” I nodded.
I imagined being lost in Korea and never heard from again as I wandered aimlessly through the city. LOL. I had my co-teacher’s number. I just didn’t want to explain that little situation. Comment me through my blog if you want to chat via IM. I’ve been to Daegu. It’s an hour away from me via KTX train. You have a military base in Daegu, too. So you are not completely cut-off.
@Korea-diva: Thanks Claudine. Wow- only 1 hr to Busan? I’ll have to look in on that, so we can hook up at some point. Yeah, first arrival everything was too new & different. Even down to the fact my apt had no keys but keypad locks & that small paper of info was precious! You were smart to have copied the hangul of that bldg… They say many drivers can’t read English, but they do seem very helpful and understanding so far. On my 2nd day back from Emart, my driver couldn’t find my place (even w/ Hangul) & asked everyone he came across until finally he found a policeman. A landmark would’ve helped. Sometimes you need to be prepared w/ 1 and 2 backups.