You are very brave. I could never do what you do– traveling on your own…

[  HAhhh, here we go again…  ]

How do you do it?

[  Well, you think this is a vacation?  ]

No, I need to go with my husband. He always arranges and schedules things. I wouldn’t know what to do if I had to travel on my own…

[  Honey, you'd be surprised what you can do on your own if you had to or really wanted to.   ]

If I didn’t have my husband, I wouldn’t go anywhere.

[   ...or, you could choose that option too.  ]

Shweta was an intelligent and forward Indian wife and university professor in her 30′s, vacationing with her husband in Ladakh, India. We were sharing a truck through the icy slopes of Nubra Valley and I was being bombarded with the questions that many females ask about solo travel, when they’re standing on the opposite side of it. As Shweta listened to my answers, her eyes drew a hallowed aura over me– a mixture of  admiration, awe, horror and …pity.

There’s a mystique around female solo travelers. We’re considered an anomaly and yet, our numbers are growing. These days, I meet all types of journeying women, from experienced to the ‘newbie soloist’ ready to cling to the first companion that reaches out to her.  Countless travel articles spill the hurrahs of journeying alone (read here , here , here and here); and although the advertised gains can feel as sexy as a self-help book or a diet and exercise program to lose 10 pounds, they’re all 100% right. The benefits of solo travel, oddly enough, are experiences you will thank yourself for later.

But…

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Is female solo travel easy?

One of my pet peeves is when I meet or hear a female solo traveler claim that solo travel is easy… for her.

Several years back, I met a European girl in her mid 20′s on a van to LAX airport. She was sharing stories of her recent travel tour de force of countries. She was alone. This woman, I thought to myself, was born with monumental balls I didn’t have the gene pool for! How could any woman  be so heroic and brave?  Me, I had to plan my “balls”;   sketch out their shape and size … psych myself into getting them.    If I could buy them at a store, I would!  I  asked her questions similar to Shweta’s . 

Euro girl cooly tossed her head back and smugly replied that solo travel was easy to her.  Easy.

At that time, I could barely cross the globe, unless I had a friend to visit and stay with in that country.

If solo travel was so goddamned simple, why was I terrified of doing it?   Was I that much of a wimp?    Was there something wrong with me?  If it was so great, then why weren’t many women doing it?

Whether she truly believed that traveling alone was easy  (more power to her!) or felt the need to front  bravery, due to a missing companion, what it said to me back then was that  solo female travelers were cut from a cloth of courage, I didn’t have a needle and thread for. These kind of woman were  bold, daring, relentless and badass. 

Female badass-ism isn’t bad (just annoying to hear,  if you’re not a badass yourself). It creates a lop-sided myth that solo travel is for those female heroines, who need no one and never feel vulnerable.

In many ways, I’m very comfortable with my independence. Eating in restaurants and going to movies or traveling the U.S. by myself isn’t worrisome to me as it is with others.  Raised like an only child, I’m conditioned to being alone. Born to a Hawaiian-Asian family, where safety and wisdom was preached again and again, I came from a ‘sheltered’ upbringing. 

In 2008, I was separated from friends in India  and forced to go it  alone. It was a massive and terrifying crash course I wasn’t prepared for. Yet I survived  (lessons here). Then, there was my first ‘planned’ solo trip to Thailand in 2009, where I highlighted half my guidebook, color tabbed pages and literally held my breath, as I bought my flight ticket.

 If you’re a newbie solo traveler standing at the edge, reluctant to take the plunge, there’s good reason… It’s a scary jump.

The raw truth of the solo female traveler and the life of a single woman.

When I met Gray of SoloFriendly on her vacation to Hawaii, we talked about the ‘pits’ of solo travel. As a single woman herself, we could easily relate much of it to our non-travel lives and when I read her confession in ‘When Solo Travel Sucks‘, I exhaled. Vulnerability is one of the few things a soloist likes admitting aloud.  

The hardest part of journeying solo is  similar to the challenges of living as a single woman:

You don’t always get to fully collapse into your vulnerability, even when you feel it immensely.  

Eating alone at a restaurant feels awkward, having no one to watch your luggage when you have to go potty is a pain, and bouts of loneliness will probably never make your proud Facebook status;  but crumbling to a sob in your room when someone is unkind, feeling overwhelm with all the decisions you must make for yourself, almost getting pick-pocketed or  stomaching a pervert’s failed attempt to jack off to you in a bus … all make you feel like a helpless little girl stranded in a big, scary world. 

Instead of wallowing, a solo traveler must pick herself up after enduring the blow.  She has no choice. 

What’s the greatest comfort for a solo traveler?

Angels in the form of passing ‘strangers ‘ or fellow travelers, who offer a word of encouragement, some helpful guidance and an umbrella of temporary protection… before moving on.

.

Why did I choose solo travel?

I was having lunch with a PR representative for a famous Hawaii hotel chain.  We were talking about tourism and travel blogging , when she drew into her admiration for female solo travelers like myself. Travel alone was something she’d never done. Not without her husband or family.

I felt like I was growing big bulging biceps, rippling muscles and a red cape! I felt self-consicous, naked, proud and yet embarassed.

Out of the blue, my spigot of truth turned. Out came the answer I’d been holding back :

” Honestly, the only reason I became a solo traveler was because I had no one to travel with. I love travel and as a single woman with no babies or husband, I didn’t want to drown in wait for someone to arrive to start my travel dreams (I could be waiting forever and how pathetic would that be, right?…). I wanted to travel -not badly, but desperately- and if you want something desperately enough, you find a way!  …. But had I a constant companion to travel with, I can’t say I would’ve ever tried going solo.”

.

There it was… out on the table as if I had vomited all over my lunch. The rep sat speechless. I felt like a prim vegan, who broke into a gorge on a package of good ‘ole Craft American cheese.

Maybe I was expected to stand strong… survive the myth of a heroic female Tarzan.

Everything you want is on the other side of FEAR. - Jack Canfield

 

.

How did I make the leap from fear to solo travel?

I’m a woman like any other.  I wasn’t born with superhuman genes and I didn’t jump into solo travel out of courage. I leapt out of fear in the way a person in a burning building leaps to a possible death.

In short, to not attempt my travel dreams equated to ‘a death worse than any other’. My fear of regret trumped fear itself. 

 Simple as that… although not quite simple.

.

If you’re a newbie to solo travel, when does it get easier?

I’ll tell you how it happened for me and my first solo trip to Thailand…. After I hurdled my fear to buy my plane ticket, everything became more breathable. It was like jumping into cold water. You feel the first bite of cold and then you acclimate.

Perhaps I felt more relaxed because I was then dealing with a tangible reality that I couldn’t  make an excuse to back out on. Or maybe I went numb as a way to deal with  aftershock.

After landing in Thailand, I felt a shaky and uncertain. But the intoxication of being in a foreign country on my own, quickly turned into an energizing buzz. I couldn’t believe I did it. I was scared, excited, thrilled and freaking out. But overall, I rocked. I found myself more capable than I imagined and that trip was the best in my life!

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Does the fear in solo travel ever go away?

I’d love to reassure you that the fears around solo travel go away. But everyone is different. 

Even though I’ve traveled on my own many times in the last two years and living abroad for a year has helped me (read here), I still experience bouts of reluctance in planning a solo trip. You get the hang of things and you don’t.  You think you know how to navigate a new place and know the ins and outs of being on your own, but travel holds many surprises to keep you on your toes.  It’ll thrill you, scare you, piss you off, challenge you and make you laugh at yourself and life.

 There is nothing like going solo…  if you can find your own way get over the initial fear.

Here are some other good articles and references if you’re interested in female solo travel: rtwin30days, independenttraveler, journeywoman

 Street wise.

Been-there and done-that.

Old hat.

After traveling in Asia over the course of a year,  there were two things I felt I had become proficient at:  haggling and avoiding scams.

If I sensed a scam, my windows rolled up and my auto pilot kicked into a prickly cold shoulder with a ‘Don’t fuck with me‘ attitude.  In a negotiating situation, I’d never trust the first price up front. Assuming the dealer was trying to score a few extra bucks, due to the “tourist” sign blazing on my head, I’d shoot for lower or walk away… and keep walking. 

Did I forget how to have fun at these times? Maybe so. But as a solo female traveler looking out for my own back, I’d learned to cultivate street smarts.

Then again, maybe you’d call me …travel- jaded.

Could you tell the difference between a local who’s giving you honest advice or  scamming you?

Not always.

As a traveler, is it naïve to assume every stranger is innocent and sincere?

Or is it wise to be guarded until you get to know someone’s intention first?

It’s a fine line, straddling between the two.

In countries, where a tourist toting a fancy DSLR might equate “rich”, not every local is out to make a quick buck off of you. Sometimes, a conversation is  sincere and friendly and a sale, a smile or a piece of advice, honest.  But when happens whens when a smile is dishonest?  Would you be able to tell the difference ?

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Street-smart or jaded:  Never trust tuk-tuk or taxi drivers.

It’s one of the many warnings you hear about in Asia/Southeast Asia: scams with taxi and tuk-tuk drivers telling you your hotel is closed, was burnt down, etc… only to redirect you to another hotel, where they garner a commission.  I’ve even diverted this scam myself in the past, a few times.

When my bus lolled into Phnom Penh at 6 am, tuk-tuk drivers swarmed around the new arrivals like buzzards.  Drowsy travelers, standing in couples and teams, were scooped up into negotiation with their drivers. Dopiness was quickly replaced by slightly skeptical ‘game faces’ of a war dance. With the business of haggling, one needs to be quick on their toes.

A wiry Khmer tuk-tuk driver approached me as the crowd thinned.  He asked me where I wanted to go.  As the one female soloist around, I felt naked… an easy target with no one to shield me.

Whether I’d gotten used to planning my itinerary on a  day-by-day basis or the fact that many budget hotels in Cambodia don’t have a website listing nor a way to pre-book reservations, I was growing bolder about finding my hotels on foot as a “walk-in” arrival.

On the bus, I had picked out a guesthouse from my Rough Guides guidebook (published in 2010, it was the current version):

” Lakeside /Number 10:
A guesthouse offering budget rooms in a spectacular spot, with a large terrace overlooking Boeng Kak Lake. Free pool table plus videos, hammocks and sunset views $3

I showed the driver the listing. The guesthouse lay north of the city center.

” No no, not go here.  Hotel not good.  I take you somewhere else.…  “, my driver responded.

I volleyed-

Are you sure? Hotel by Boeng Kak Lake? 
 

” No, lake dried up. You no want to go there. Not good place. I take you somewhere else.“

I rolled my eyes back into my head. It was 6 am in the morning . The “scam” was underway. 

I wielded a lie in quick defense…
 

 I’m meeting a friend there. I must go there.  My friend is there waiting for me. Take me there.

After a short tennis match of words with me, doggedly lying through my teeth (something I’m actually not very good at), the driver agreed to take me there.
 

How much?
 

“One dollar”, he quoted.

At least he wasn’t going to make me haggle. A dollar is said to be the going rate  for driving short intercity distances in Phnom Penh. I agreed to his price and we were off!

.

When ‘scams’ don’t turn out to be scams
 

This… isn’t …it,  is it?

I said, as we pulled up at the guesthouse where I was supposedly “meeting my friend”. My eyeballs wanted to fall from its sockets from the sheer shock of what lay before me.

  “Yes,” he answered.

The surrounding area of the guesthouse looked ghetto. The streets were empty and were spotted with a few demolished buildings and rubble. Vandals had tagged the crumbling walls with spray paint. It felt like an area where you might find crack pipes and broken needles on the ground.  The so-called lake? More like a shriveled swamp pond; hardly something to invite a “picturesque” sunset.

No.   I answered.

“Yes,” he replied.

By now he was smiling. His grin was burning a hole into my pride and filling me with shame.

.

I went to the manager’s office to ask to look at the rooms. The hallway and rooms were at least, bright, but they still reminded me of a crack house or squatter home for homeless. I showed my guidebook to the disheveled and grumpy manager and pointed at the listing.  This was it– Lakeside/ Number 10.

So then I pointed to the next listing, which was supposedly a neighbor:

“Number 9:

The  most picturesque of the lakeside guesthouses with basic en-suite rooms set around a small lily filled lagoon. Free pool, videos and a relaxing deck restaurant serving the usual travelers’ fare. $3

The manager grunted incoherently to the effect of either, this was the same place too …or guesthouse no longer existed! They both equaled the same thing. Shock, panic, confusion,… I didn’t know what to do but curse my Rough Guides’ 2010  book and its lame “updates” of ‘recommended hotel listings’!

How could a guidebook listing be so off-base?

I emerged from the guesthouse to find my tuk-tuk driver waiting for me.

“I take you to City Center now?”

When a shocking situation like this hits you, you don’t know what or whom to trust.

Paranoid  shapes your mind, as daylight begins to warp. 

Perhaps this was one enormous scam that everyone, including the lake, was in on?

I had to walk around the area to see for myself. I knew there were more guesthouses in the neighborhood and more listings in my guidebook. But most places were closed and despite the signs advertising ‘Falafel Cafes’ and international food (which hint that travelers must stay here), the boarded up windows and doors of guesthouse exteriors didn’t look too promising.

I turned to my tuk-tuk driver who now followed me.

“I take you to City Center now?”

How much?  I responded.

“Two dollars. “

Street-smart or jaded: Everyone’s out to rip you off

In Asia/Southeast Asia, I’ve learned never to take the first quoted price. I paid one dollar to get in. Now being charge double to get out!  Nothing was open and no traffic stirred on the sleepy streets. My tuk tuk driver had the upper hand and knew it.  

But now that my pride was at stake, I wouldn’t back down.

I’ll walk.

I said, non-chalantly as my mind seriously considered the hours it might take to get into the city by foot… if I could even find my way to the city center.

With that, he tossed me a cynical glance and left with a laugh, only to park at a safe watching distance a block away.  So I approached a nearby motorbike taxi .

City Center, how much?

“Two dollars,” the motorbike taxi responded with a grin.

We went back and forth between one dollar and two. At this point it was hard to decipher whether I was getting too wounded over a dollar or just being proportionate. He was only asking a dollar extra, something I might unconsciously tip a  young iPhone-toting barista at Starbucks in the U.S.,  out of some twisted form of social guilt. If anything, both drivers would gain more value from my dollar than a some spoiled American. But the environment plays weird mental games on you too and if a room in this city, cost anywhere from $3-7,  then for a two dollar ride, I’d hope for at least a pillow on the back of that seat.

I decided I’d go back to my tuk-tuk driver, where I could at least be driven in shaded comfort. It was then that the motorbike taxi said-
 

Okay. One dollar.

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 Perhaps the lesson here, is to not put too much trust into guidebooks. I pointed to a new guesthouse listing in my guidebook.  If this joint didn’t pan out, I promised to burn my 2010 Rough Guides guidebook! 

Capitol Guesthouse.  Take me there.

Are you street-smart or travel-jaded? Would you be able to tell the difference?
 .

(to be continued)
Part II:  Budget Hotels: How far would you walk to find Mr. Right? >> 

It’s scary when life imitates art.

… Even scarier when you find yourself copying something off of a Jim Carrey film and it actually works!

The Yes Man was a film with a simple concept. Take an average guy with a dull life and have him promise to spice up his lifestyle. The catch? He must say “Yes” to every opportunity, invitation, request,… Everything.

As far as films go, I’ll be honest- it limps along. But as a proverb to live by, it’s genius!

Almost three years ago, I thought that my work life in the entertainment industry was so exciting, that I didn’t need a social life. But then my work slowed and when it did, my social life took the hit, just as hard as if I had tied a noose around it. It was sad and just plain… pathetic.

So I secretly took up a quest to be a Yes Wo/man.

The results? I completed my first solo trip and went on to live and travel solo in Asia for almost two years. Mostly however, it’s helped improve the quality of my life:  I’ve discovered new hobbies, met people from cultures around the world, became more socially confident, turned into an outdoorsy person (which I, god forbid, never was…) and am living an adventurous travel life according to friends and family.

If the me/then, could’ve seen the me/now, would I have believed my transformation?

Nooo.

What is a ‘Yes Wo/man’ ? 

If you haven’t seen the movie, then let me reiterate how it works.

A ‘Yes Wo/man’ says ‘Yes’ to everything.

Particularly the simple things you don’t feel like doing or wouldn’t ordinarily do .

A  date that you don’t feel thrilled about going on?    Yes.

Playing racquetball (when you don’t care for the sport or even know how to play it)?    Yes. 

Going to a social function (when you don’t know anyone attending)?   Yes.

Accept a potential job opportunity (that you may lack a certain skill in)?  Yes.

(Note: Obviously, one should say ‘Yes’ to things within the boundaries of wisdom and reason.)

Why does saying ‘Yes’ to everything work?

Do you find yourself saying No to life more than you do Yes? Be honest. How often do you dare to try new things you’ve never tried or do things outside of your comfort zone?  Before being a ‘Yes’ person, I used to say ‘No’ to over half of the opportunities offered to me.  That’s a lot!

So how did the ‘Yes Wo/man’ idea work for me?

•  Bravery is all in the bluff.

If you’re a woman, fear is not your worst enemy… it’s self-doubt and over-thinking. Thus, you need to fool your mind.

My worst habit?  What-if situations. They’d always distract me with endless loops of self-defeating thought. The result? I’d lose out on a lot of simple and big opportunities, because of continual self-doubt.

Knowing you’re going to say ‘Yes’ to your future, is a bullet to the brain. It removes the thinking process. Erase that and you’ve won over half the battle! Moreover, it commits you to possessing future courage.

… even if you don’t know what courage looks like yet.

When I looked at my male friends, I noticed they seldom suffered from severe over-thinking.  Whether or not they had the confidence and skill to pull off their endeavors, they never questioned the start. Instead, they reacted on it with one impulse…

Say ‘Yes’. Deal later.

 

•  Accepting the unknown and dealing with it.

By impulsively making agreements to do things I stood uncertain of, I instantly opened the door to opportunity… and fear. But when I took this step forward, something miraculous happened. My…

” What if…? “

 shifted to

” How will I…? ” and ” How can I…? “

The changed outlook of the situation was surprising! I jumped to ‘problem solving’ and then, to ‘doing’. For instance, only after I bought my ticket for my first solo trip, did the fear give way to planning, researching places to visit or stay, fun things to do,… ‘Wondering’ was no longer a roadblock. Fear and worries subsided, now that I had tangible plan.

 And… if you’ve said Yes to something and discovered down the road, that it wasn’t for you? Untangling yourself is easy. You can always walk away, without regret.

•  Learning to roll with life (because it doesn’t always give warnings).

I confess, as a female solo traveler, I always have moments, where I doubt my courage.  Anxiety accompanies me on each journey. Will I be able to do it on my own? What if I can’t? What if something bad happens? etc… I never know what life will throw at me until I’m there, in the moment. But when last-minute changes or ‘the unexpected’ happens, I find I always discover my hidden power tools. Resources, talents and skills that I didn’t know I had or maybe, had forgotten, suddenly surface. 

The human instinct for survival is strong. You can trust it being there in your time of need.

When you get down to it, we’re all more resourceful, creative and flexible to changing circumstances than we think. We’re more resilient than we know… and we’re more courageous, powerful and adventurous than we ever imagined.

Why should you be a Yes Wo/man?

You’ll…

1. Focus on manifesting your goals vs. only dreaming about them.
2. Notice opportunities in everything.
3. Discover what you thought you didn’t like, you actually do.
4. Realize most of your fears and worries aren’t real.
5. Not regret lost opportunities.
6. Go from a ‘Yes’ to an ‘I Can‘ attitude in life.

Any ‘Yes’ tips or tricks you might have used to get your life rolling towards its dream destination?

The water was flooding panic into my goggles and stinging my eyes. I blew out sharply to clear my mask.

We were pulling ourselves down by the anchor rope,  descending to the ocean floor. I was at the head of the group and the second in line. Going back up was not an option.

Was there a leak in my mask? 

The game plan: in single file, lower ourselves down to the ocean’s bottom by the anchor rope of the boat.

My throat was dry. I swallowed hard on the spit in my mouth, while continuing to evacuate my mask of incoming water.

We lowered another foot. 

Everything around me felt foreign. The water pushed in, tightening around my body like a snug liquid suit. It required more effort to breathe.  My breath drew in harder. My ears, like an empty plastic bottle, getting compressed of its air, wanted to Pop! The pressure was now causing a splitting pain…

Clear mask, swallow spit, pop ears and remember to breathe.

Clear mask, swallow spit, pop ears and remember to breathe.

Clear mask, swallow spit, pop ears and remember to breathe.

It was a multi-tasking effort.

Panic grew as I attempted to keep my alarm rate down. I gulped… hard. My ears went Pop! 

Ahhh, momentary relief.

Kevin, my PADI dive instructor swam to me, signalling underwater (example of dive signals here):

Everything okay?

“Okay”, I signaled back. A total lie. I was freaking out. I’d been having troubles with my mask at the surface earlier; this snowballed into a pre-dive freak out which only heightened with each foot we took down. Was the water in my mask a normal trickle or a flood? Were my fears and worries exaggerating my reality?

I couldn’t tell the difference.

Happy fucking birthday, Chris!

What does getting older mean and how do you celebrate it traveling alone?

What is age and why do I have to act like a number?

It was my first birthday on the road and I was spending it alone. Ugh. Spending my birthday by myself? Wasn’t sure if I could handle it. When you pass your mid 30s, you feel like you’re pretty much over-the-hill. Numbers begin to feel like they lie, so you stop counting and avoid the friends who’ll remind you of it!

 I’d love to say getting my PADI certification was something I’ve wanted to do all my life. It wasn’t. It was my last-minute resort to do something racy, adventurous and symbolic for an age I didn’t feel. Perhaps like how middle-aged men get a 20-year-old girlfriend or new sports car!

Living “older” was never in my equation. Never in my body or my life. 

Marriage, children, mortgage, lifelong career, following a path of responsible “shoulds”… None of the above.

I’d been taking my time, marching to my own whimsical tunes in life, not congnizant of the fact my age was marching faster than me. Now here it was, staring me in the face. The grand number. 

Was this something I should freak out about ? Perhaps,… yeah.

Diving into FEAR and embracing it.

Me, scuba diving?

As a Hawaiian Cancerian, I was born to love the ocean. Only one problem: I can’t swim. As a child, I remember lying on the bed as my mother squeezed ear drops into my ear, after each swim class. 

Drip, drip, drip…. fizzzz… 

Alas, swimming lessons (along with children, white picket fence and a 401K) weren’t in my cards. 

Now, floating in my scuba panic, I questioned the lunacy of my scuba decision, when it dawned on me…

Given a second chance, my outcome would be the same. Just as same, as it would be if I replayed my life and its choices. I’d be exactly where I was at that moment– holding onto an anchor rope, a single jobless traveler seeking herself, while clearing her mask of water and trying not to whimp out on life, scuba diving and solo traveling.

A reassuring calm set in. The calm of realizing you can only work with what you’re given in instances and if you life your moments- your fears, joys, struggles, etc…- fully, there can be no regrets.

No regrets.

This was my destiny.

‘Foreign’ is what we say, when we forget the ‘Familiar’

I remembered dreams I’ve had of exploring the depths of the sea and breathing underwater. I’d had these dreams since childhood and they never felt foreign or scary. As a matter of fact, the sea has always felt familiar to me …like home. Perhaps it’s having been raised on an island surrounded by water or remembering the comfort of the womb. ‘Foreign’ felt like ‘home’.  The ocean was no more foreign, frightening or familiar than any city or country I’ve traveled.

So what was I freaking out about?

This was just another journey in a life of rolling adventures and change.

Trust yourself and you’ll be able to trust your surroundings better

“Trust,”  my instinct whispered.

As a one-size-fits-all word, trust seeped into me as certain and solid as a safety net, melting away the muddiness of my panic and opening my eyes to the beauty around me.

If anyone tells you that there’s nothing like diving, there’s good reason. 

Submerged, all the sea is tranquil, silent, mysterious and awakened… like a slow-motion dream or fairytale.

The ocean is a place, where a child-like wonder and exploration feels infinite and eternal.  The coral reef stood like magnificent jeweled sea palaces, harboring years of solitary moments, while building a house of dynamic and enigmatic sea life within. Above, was a glassy surface emitting a etherial, mesmerizing light. Below, the sandy floor held the impermanent stretch marks of shifting time and a school of radiant yellow and white fishes. 

Through diving, I could experience this dream of breathing underwater.

Wide-eyed, I felt awakened to my oceanic dreams and the unfathomable depths and mysteries of the sea; and in that moment, my sense of time, worries and future fears all dissolved into an eternity.

Growing older wasn’t the end of life. Age is just a number.

As a diver and explorer, in the sea and in life, my heart would continue to beat young.

No, time didn’t matter. But being present in each moment and savoring your experiences, matters.  Plugging through your fears, matters. Living your dreams and keeping an open sense of curiosity and adventure towards life… it all matters.

 How and where to dive in Thailand ?

You can dive for fun or get your PADI certification from anywhere across the world if you check out PADI’s Dive shop locator!  With a range of beaches and islands (here’s Travel Fish‘s list of Thai islands) offering excellent dive locations, Thailand was my starter country and diving packages came with the right price. You can find cheap flights to Phuket and Ko Samui or dive packages to Ko Tao, Ko Phi Phi,  Ko Pha Ngan or Krabi from tour agencies on Khao San Road in Bangkok.

As a travel blogger, I have a behemoth heap of posts in my archival bank. Sadly however, a blog post only has a firefly’s lifespan. Once it’s had its run, it folds into the blog tomb, awaiting a Google search to resuscitate it.  A lot of hours (days even!) of laborious writing, photo uploading and video editing for a very short parade.

When Megan of On my way RTW tagged me on Tripbase‘s My 7 Links project, I was both, honored to be counted in as a member of the travel blogging community and thrilled to share some of my favorite pieces. So if you missed some of these posts the first time around, here’s your second chance! From a restaurant in Phnom Penh, Cambodia with the endearing madness of honking motodops and tuk-tuks as inspirational backdrop, I write for you …

My 7 links:

My Most Beautiful Post

Jeju’s Olle Trails: Reading its secret Love Letters

Everyone should experience the magic of awakening to the eternal spring of a love letter and Jeju Island’s Olle trails (inspired by Spain’s Pilgrim Trails) conveys just that. I’m not sure if this is my “Most Beautiful” post but the experience was certainly one of the biggest romances of my year, such that it inspired my Love Letter project.

My Most Popular Post

Finding love in the Korean Love Motel

This competes in the daily ranks with my post about the Korean bathhouse; and honestly, I think it’s because sex, naked and Koreans appear in the search tags! There’s a lot of mystery and gossip around Korean love motels as being seedy places to visit in Korea. This past year, the topic of ‘Korean love motels as brothels’ even drew heated controversy at a Formula One international racing event when event drivers were wrongly housed in its suspect variants. For tourists and expats however, love motels (and bath houses, for that matter) are well-worth the second look into quality, as they offer practical, affordable and fun means in Korean budget holiday gems.

Deep thanks to Daegu Pockets magazine for publishing it (it’s my first article in print!), to fellow K-bloggers for linking to it and The Korea Times for quoting from it (even if at the time, I wasn’t sure if the latter was a good thing) .
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My Most Controversial Post

“You Ugly American”: Is America a country that people love to hate?

Why is the world still hating on Americans? Aside from my article about love motels, this is my next most controversial post. Meeting small-mindedness and stereotypes on the road, when we should be bonding as a travel community, really steams me! I’m fed up with ugly American stereotypes still existing and if you’re American, you should be too.

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My Most Helpful Post

Photo from ‘Getting my hair done at a Korean beauty salon’.

Expat Life & Teaching in Korea series

Without a doubt, my most helpful posts are my survival guides for living, eating,working and playing in Korea. A lot of empathy goes out for my fellow inmates, errr… expats in Kimchi-land and I get a lot of hits and comments from those curious about Korea or who are here for the job of teaching English. If you read the ESL forums, you’ll get the feeling that Korea is one of the countries foreigners love to hate on. Why is that? Well, things in Korea doesn’t always make a lot of sense to westerners. From tackling culture shock, work issues, cultural misunderstandings and attempting to build a lifestyle that you won’t always have translation help for, Korea is a safe and technologically-advanced country in many ways; but that doesn’t deem it as an easy country for foreigners to adapt to. Alternately, it also doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying!

A Post Whose Success Surprised Me

8 ways I stay warm during winter in Korea

What lengths would I go through to survive a Korean winter? When I wrote this, I felt a bit awkward revealing some of the silly things I did to stay warm, but thanks to my fellow readers, I didn’t feel left out in the cold alone. I really didn’t expect the amount of hits and responses it’s gotten.

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A post I feel didn’t get the attention it deserved

Lessons of a first-time Solo Traveler in India

I’d say many of my India posts like 5 Travel Must-Haves for India and the like… The one that’s been greatly gyped of attention however, is my post on lessons from my first solo trip there. I lost my solo traveler virginity on this trip! Though a bit scruffy in writing, it bore my very first GRRR and from it, sprang wonderful lessons of being alone on the road for the first time. At the time of post, I didn’t have any readers but my mom and dad –and though they definitely count big time in my book– they’re not really going to need to use the advice I’m sharing. Y’know?

The post I am most proud of

Haeneyo: The Last Generations of Korean Mermaids

I’m not sure if this is my proudest post, but it always surfaces first in my mind. I had learned of Jeju Island’s mythic haeneyo (aka mermaids) before moving to Korea; and thus, I was really proud with my quest and actual discovery of them. The haeneyo are an older generation and dying tradition of women divers whom continue to dive and whom I find truly remarkable. Special thanks to Daegu Pockets magazine for printing it in their December 2010 issue.

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Other people I’m tagging for this project are:

Kelsey of Drifting Focus, Laura of Gringation Cancun, Feather Ives of Vegan Around the World, Josh Johnson of Travel Media Ninja, Jack and Jill of Jack & Jill Travel the World.

The following post has a sponsored mention:  Looking for special deals and cheap holiday packages for exotic destinations such as Greece.  Check out cheap flights to Corfu and visit the second largest Ionian Island in Greece.

Siem Reap, Cambodia

Dear Love,

It’s taken me a long time to get to this point of updating you. I apologize…

I’m in my 5th month of traveling and this is what I’ve come to know:

The goal of blogging-on-the-road is a massive beast!

Not a simple task. It’s not that the countries I’ve traveled after India weren’t as amazing, but I’ve quickly learned that it’s nearly impossible for me to take you through my journey as I’m experiencing it. So I’ve decided to detour from my chronological mission of posting only India (Look out- I may get messy!)

While I’m super-excited to share all that I’m learning about impromptu trip planning and treading the waters of long-term solo travel — aka I’m basically getting my ass kicked — writing and posting pictures demands a lot of time, energy and a consistent internet connection.

Usually, it’s two out of three that I don’t have.

Life is teaching me to live by the day. But this is still work.

Challenges:

•  Money:

No telling how long my journey will last, so I try to travel, live and sight see cheaply to stretch funds; although the occasional splurge is necessary and quite nice.

•  Homelessness:

It’s hard to gauge what country (or city) I’ll be in from day-to-day, so most of my hotels are found after I step off the bus. I point to a budget name in my guidebook and have the driver take me there– then I do my neighborhood hotel search on foot. I can sleep in a tin can if it’s been scrubbed clean but most places run pretty budget basic & after days of not having white sheets, a firm mattress and peace of mind comforts of room cleanliness… I’m tempted to spit on myself for being a budget backpacking traveler!

•  Itinerary:

I plan my days either the night before or …that day. It’s all dependent upon energy.

•  Possessions:

The only time I despise travel is when I’m violently aware of the fact …I’ve become the sherpa of my house. It’s made me empathize with snail life (no wonder those things travel so slow).

How hard is a drifter’s life? Coming from a structured world, it feels like a vigorous workout!

I want to make each day of my travel freedom count, but there are still times, my freedom can feel like a curse.

Obviously there are times when having so much travel freedom stresses me out. This kind of freedom is not natural- we weren’t born into the wild but into structured lives of domesticity. Sometimes, I don’t know what to do with it. It feels like a curse.

Yet, it’s as if I were a dying man– I want to exhaust these days and live them fully, so that I’ll not have regrets. Whenever I’m about to curse this journey’s intensity, its need for responsibility and vision (even when I’m making drifter choices) and the raggedy toll it takes on me, I try to remember this.

Some day, I’ll look back on this freedom and wish I were living it again.

Feeling spotty,

GRRRL

Related articles

• Love Letter #11: Life is a Stage (grrrltraveler.com)
• How to travel solo in India: Interview with Chiaki Nakashima (grrrltraveler.com)

What does the idea of “a solo woman traveling in India” surface for you?

When I met Chiaki, we were both, waiting for the local bus to our yoga ashram. A Japanese waif of gentle yogic smiles, she challenged my notions about what it is to be a solo female traveler in India. Chiaki didn’t boast the extensive list of a world traveler, nor was she avoiding the challenges of navigating the Indian terrain in the way a native would; she was tackling India solo in calm stride.

How the hell was she doing it?

Her courage inspired me and I wanted to know.

You see, although I’ve spent the last two years working towards the goal of becoming a solo traveler, I’m not always 100% convinced and comfortable with going solo. In fact, I feel like I’m still trying to figure it all out. And in a challenging country such as India, where the chaotic culture can feel taxing and the sea of staring men, intimidating; I’ve had moments, where I’ve wanted to hide under a rock, until I found energy to deal with daylight again!

Chiaki has graciously allowed to be my first interview, so here we go…

Tell me a bit about yourself:

My name is Chiaki Nakajima. I’m from Japan. I’m 31 years old. I’m a macrobiotic teacher, yoga teacher and English assistant teacher.
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What was your first big solo trip?

After I graduated from college, I started traveling by myself from Oregon to New York for one month. First time I didn’t speak much English so it was difficult, but people helped me a lot.
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Since then, what other countries have you traveled by yourself?

China, Japan, Mexico… now India.
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What inspires you about solo travel?

When I travel by myself, I can meet many people and I like it.

Everything that happens has meaning. Maybe someone you pass on the street and never talk; the people I meet are very important. I think– maybe there is a meaning.. a connection. Maybe I have to learn something from them.

I can find the essence of my life from the people I meet.

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What is the most difficult part of solo travel for you?

Hardest thing for me is language. Countries with people who don’t speak English or Japanese, I find hard. I have to figure out, “What happened?” “What’s going on?” “What should I do?“   Also when I don’t see anyone around, that makes me worry. People are my friends.  Could be anybody… (laughing)

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Are you the type of traveler that has to plan things or are you comfortable with winging it?

Yes, (winging it). If I go to a country, I feel like I’m not deciding anything; something else is deciding for me. In a way, I do plan– I want to go here, here,… here; but I don’t make specific plans– what time I’m going to do (an activity) , what I will eat, etc…

|  Here I don’t like to make plans; not this country. India is difficult. I can’t plan anything here. If I make plans, things change a lot. Things are messed up; it’s always something- engine problem, something broken, etc… It’s  the culture, maybe. |

.Chiaki shops at vendor stalls in Meenakshi Temple, Madurai, Tamil Nadu

As a female solo traveler, do you trust your travel instinct?

I trust myself a lot.  I’m a girl so I have to be careful. I’m not going to go out very late at night. I have to be careful but I trust myself, not to meet bad people. That’s what I trust. I try to feel something about energy, environment, person… Good energy, that’s an important thing. If something has bad energy, I stay away from him/them.

I also believe in the power of thought, power of mind (and that) the inner mind radiates outside. You understand? For example, maybe you think– I don’t like these people or that person very much. Maybe they don’t like me very much. When I think something, maybe that person feels the same thing.  So I try to have positive thoughts when I go into situations.

| Everyone has their own glasses and everything has a color. Maybe you have red glasses, I have green glasses, they have black glasses. People have their glasses.  |

Maybe things happen, like a bad car accident. So maybe I say, “Oh, it’s not a big problem”, but you think “Wow, it’s a big problem!” Things happen a lot in this country, not only car accidents. Many things happen in front of me– maybe a  rickshaw-wallah is talking to me and everybody stares; maybe some people I’m saying” No, no, no…” and others I’m enjoying (their company) because they’re not bad.

Everything is from here. (Chiaki points at head). Everything must be clear. Open mind.

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How do you trust things will work out?

I believe, everything happens for a reason but in a positive way. If I can’t get that train, then I think:

“Maybe there’d be a train accident. Something bad (would have happened to me had I gotten on).”

In Japan, this creates a big problem. If you don’t show up at a certain time, then people say, “Why? Why you didn’t come?“. India, is not like that. If I don’t show up at the ashram by tomorrow, maybe the ashram people understand me– there’s no train.

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So say you arrive at  train station and ..

No seat for me?

Exactly.

Then I ask someone,” What should I do?” (laugh)

Maybe take the next train, take train the next day or stay here one more night… People will help. I know someone will help me out or take me to the next place.

.At the train station, checking in on her “wait list” status.

Okay, so hotels… do you have fears about traveling late at night and not finding a  place to stay?

Here (in India) I don’t have to worry about it. Everywhere I visit… the cities, there are many hotels.
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But you’ve given yourself a daily budget…

Ah yes, in India, a place that’s a little expensive is okay for me.  Japanese yen…  If I need, I will pick the more expensive place, not a 100 rupee place. I have to be safe. If money helps, I will pay. (laughing)
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When you travel, do you have to compromise your macrobiotic diet or beliefs about food?

In India, the food is (generally) good. It’s vegetarian; I’ve not had a problem with it. But yes sometimes, it’s difficult.  If I know a country has only meat and fast food, I’m not going to eat that kind of food. I’d carry vitamins, some powders from Japan and something like Umeboshi plum, which is very good food for the body. It keeps the blood healthy and is good to carry anywhere. It  never spoils; it’s fermented food, so your intestine environment, your blood stays good.

What do you like about traveling in India?

Some people don’t like India; some love India very much. In Japan, people told me many bad things. So when I came I thought, “I  have to be very careful in India”. But since I came to India, I’m  enjoying. I feel light… alive.  In Japan, there is already a way. Everything is clean, set up, organized. This country? No. Everything is messed up, not clean, unorganized, no traffic rules… nothing. Here, I have to negotiate prices and live a basic life– eating, washing, sleeping, walking… and walking (laughs).

|  Here, it’s like I have to make up the road by myself. I’m surviving. |

In Japan, I don’t have to worry about things; I don’t have to negotiate. Prices are always $100, $500.. so okay, I pay. But in India, everybody has different price. In some way, it makes sense… some people have lots of money and can pay more. But if you think it’s expensive, you don’t have to buy it. That’s it.

It’s exciting, an adventure. Sometimes, it makes me tired (laughs).
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How tell me something yogi cool- what can yoga teach us about travel?

Yoga is not only for travel. My life is yoga practice and it’s a practice for surviving my life!

A lot of times, I think about the future and I worry; it may not even happen. But you have to be (present) with your mind.

Always mind go away– future, past– not stay here. That’s why we practice pranayama (breathing); so mind comes back to body. That’s why we practice asana- bring mind back here to concentrate on pose and posture. That’s the practice.

NOW creates your future. If you concentrate on Now, it’s going to make your future better. So don’t worry about future. Stay here. Now. Try not to (let) mind go away. Always hold inside of the body. That’s the yoga practice.

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Do you have advice for solo travelers in India?

Don’t make plans. Enjoy yourself. Open the mind.

Related articles

• 5 Travel Must-Haves for India
• Lessons of a first-time Solo Traveler in India
• Dealing with accidents and injury in India
• Where to lay your head in budget India?

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What photos have the most meaning for you and does having your picture taken, have meaning for you?

I was wandering through the town when a moustached Indian gent recognized the camera strapped around my neck. He wanted me to take a picture of him in front of the town’s central bathing ghat, so I did.

He wasn’t a local resident of this town but made a special pilgrimage to visit and pay his devotion to the temple.

“Very handsome. You have very strong eyes.” I said, showing him his picture, watching his stern face transform into a smile. Seeing people’s’ faces light up, when they see their faces on the camera viewfinder gives me such a kick!

“Strong”, he repeated with pride.
He called the rest of his tribe to get their photos taken too. Before I knew it, I had become the family portrait photographer.
Each person I snapped, I showed them their picture. Over and over, the same transformative effect.

“Beautiful”, I said after clicking after some of the ladies.

They teased each other, mimicking me… “Beautiful.” You could tell they felt the meaning of the word.

Beautiful.

For folks in developing countries who don’t travel through life with DSLRs slung around their neck snapping photos of themselves, seeing their image before them can feel like a magic act. The most they may have might be a photo for their passport book, maybe an old school picture.

My big “uh-oh” came when they wanted copies of the photos I’d taken. No one spoke strong English and from what I gathered, no one had an email address. Instead, they were writing me their home address. Uh-oh.

I’d been in this scenario before of getting an Indian address and not getting the correct format. The last thing you want to do is promise something you can’t deliver!  Indian addresses are confusing to westerners; they don’t have house numbers. How the postman finds his delivery, I’m not sure. Moreover, to mail a bunch of printed photos from half-way around the world? Mailing things to India can be expensive!

The family solicited the help of an older, educated friend to use his address to receive mail from. I crossed my fingers. Then, they took me with them to have free temple food ( click here to read my experience).

The next day, I found that the town had a local photo developer. Three hours and at 6 rupees a print, I had prints for each person at a cost that was unfathomably cheap!  The local post office wasn’t far, so immediately after retrieving my prints, I rushed them (I was leaving that day!) to get weighed, stamped and mailed.

The Gokarna post office

Weighing my envelope, India style

Signed, sealed and stamped!

Starting your career as a family portrait photographer in a developing isn’t a lucrative job, but it might be your most memorable and meaningful one!

Tips to remember about ethics and photographing in a developing country:

* Be respectful, don’t be a photo jerk.
You’d not believe how many click-happy tourists fail to be respectful when snapping locals.  You may want that perfect close-up shot but the difference between being an obstacle vs. being a witness is big. When shooting daily events, there’s a time and place for flash bulbs; be discerning.

Good rule of thumb: Put yourself in other people’s’ shoes– if the shoe were on your foot, under the given circumstance, would it create annoyance for you?  If the answer is yes, then back off. Use your zoom lens or experiment with turning your flash off (in the latter case, sometimes the shot is better without it).

I was in Luang Prabang, witnessing the monks take alms. Some tourists ran in front of the monks to get closeups, while also using their flashes!  Imagine it being 5 AM, still dark and having paparazzi flashes go off in your face as you’re performing your spiritual practice. Not cool.

Tourists stalking a potential photo-op situation.

*Ask permission to shoot
Not everyone wants their picture taken and if someone doesn’t, you have to respect their situation. Otherwise, certain situations call for consideration. Photo ethics are a gray zone for tourists & photo hobbyists and it depends on what you’ll be using the photos for. If you’re using your photos professionally, you’ll definitely need a photo release from the subject you’re shooting. If it’s for your trip photos and your Facebook account, you’ll have to weigh the situation.

For instance, if I shoot from a far distance and not creating annoyance, then I feel I’m fine. But if I’m shooting at close range or want a portrait, I’ll ask for permission.
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.* Show your subject their photo.
People in developing countries are especially appreciative to see themselves in a photo; so if you take one, feel free to share it with them! This is a great way to interact with locals, as well. Rural folk don’t always have photos of themselves (less a mirror) and the camera itself, are a strange device to them. Sometimes, being shot can give people a feeling of being beautiful or famous.

* To pay or not to pay?
Decide in advance how you want to handle this type of exchange.  To pay with money or candy can feed the problem of begging in a developing country and some touts (children and adults) use click-happy tourists as a mark. In such cases, the line, “Take my picture” is followed by a harassment for currency. This is not a positive exchange I’d support (but this is me) and in such cases, I immediately delete their photo.

If you plan to make money off of a person’s image however,  payment of some sort is considerate and signed permission is necessary. If the picture is for personal reasons,  find creative ways of “exchange”: show people their photos, mail them their photo (even a xerox printout can be nice), chat with them for a while and maybe share snacks  you have.

* Email your subject their photo.
The easiest and cheapest way to deliver a photo is via internet. However if you’re in a rural area, English-speaking literacy and internet aren’t always accessible. To ask for email and a Facebook account will obviously garner confused responses.

* Mailing your subject a print.
In some cases where you’ve photographed a group, it’s not realistic to send each person their photo; however, you can at least send one person the pictures. They can decide how to distribute the photo or make xeroxes (such was the case in the photo below). One of the women (below) had a son who had an email address. I emailed her the pictures.

Look for photo developing shops. It was surprisingly easy for me to find photo shops in a town, even as small as Gokarna and get a one-day turn-around in prints. I saved myself photo developing costs and exhorbant mailing expenses which I might have encountered had I done this in the U.S.

Also keep in mind, receiving mail may not be a common event for some folk. Get a local address and double-check if it’s correct. My family (at the top) had an English-speaking friend, who agree to use his own address. When I went to the post office, I confirmed the correct format for mailing before sending it off.

* If you promise a photo delivery, try your best to keep your promise.
Folk in developing countries tend to take your word for truth, expecting a promise is a promise. This is how they do their own dealings. If you can’t deliver, don’t make a promise; always tell the truth.

Do you have any memorable or meaningful travel photo stories? Any tips for photographing in a developing country?

The Lockets of Love oracle : A Promise for Endless Love

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”
- Lao Tzu

New Year, New Me ? Not exactly.

In 2010, I started my gap year with a Korea-bound work contract and hoped the change might spark new realizations of my future. While I love expat life and find joy in teaching English in Korea, the same old career dreams and callings prevail as well as, the yearning for extended travel. With 2011 on the rise, I get to wondering:

What if my old and new self aren’t so different?

While my expat life may be coming to an end and I may not have a clear vision of what my future yields, there’s one only one certainty to arriving at where I need to be:

Take one step and put one foot in front of the other.

Travel Destination 2011: Falling to Love

As I said before, trusting the unknown has been my main lesson and especially with solo travels. However, knowing what to trust is still a bit hazy. Too often, we end up trusting our logic, fears and worries. Meanwhile, the clichés of following your heart, dream or intuition while inspiring, are still a vague apparatus.

With my mom bedridden with the Korean cold, this New Year’s Eve I made a pilgrimage to see my oracle high upon the mountain, where my first memory of falling in love with Korea began.

I wanted to know…

1)  Where was my 2011 travel destination bound for?

2)   How would I continue my travel dreams and what purpose could it serve if only for me?

Namsan Seoul Tower

The Lockets of Love oracle : A Promise for Endless Love

Fall in love.

…The oracle said, as I looked out over the flickering city lights of a wintry Seoul.

Love is where dreams happen and take shape.

You may know this love feeling– it’s either fevered and ecstatic as if chasing a drug or chill and poetic as if quietly following one’s inspiration like a trail of rose petals and butterflies. Pursuing love is to tail a calling into the unknown, into the mystery of life, into curiosities… until you fall… to love… your destiny.

Is falling in love is scary? Yes. Does it sound like a crazy thing to do? Of course! Love is worrisome with no foreseeable destination; it has unfathomable highs and bottomless low. But, the bottom line is…we still want to do it anyways!

And with that, my oracle said-

So do. And this 2011, do it brilliantly.

NYE Countdown at Bosingak Temple

Happy Shiny 2011 to all.

Living abroad?

Nothing like it.

I’ve made new friends and found a strange new world abroad that I’ve called home for almost a year. Overcoming the various roller-coasting battles of culture shock, food obstacles, a new work environment and an unhelpful colleague, I’ve found my own ways of coping and getting by in Korea and often, without the luxury of  Korean translations.  It’s surmounted into one exuberant exclamation…

I’ve survived!

The Biggest Lesson I’ve Learn so far:  Trust the Unknown

All artists envision their creation, before putting chisel to stone or paintbrush to canvas. Sometimes, the vision is complete; other times, its vague but  powerful enough to pull your steps towards your goal. If there’s a lesson I’ve learned  from all my travels, living a freelance lifestyle in New York City and moving abroad to Asia, it’s definitely trust! Living in Korea solidified that fact for me and taught me to loosen up… a bit. 

5 Ways to Develop Trust as a Traveler:

1. Use your intuition & risk committing the cultural faux pas

When is it proper to shake hands or bow? Or how do you remember to say-

Annyeonghi keseyo

Annyeonghi kaseyo

(Both mean “goodbye”, but differ according to situation)

Sometimes, it all jumbles into brain-tied confusion.

Being a foreigner is being an alien who’s landed in the bubble of a strange world.  So with foreign customs and cultural etiquette, I’ve learned to trust what intuitively feels correct. If I’m too confused, I cover my bases and do both!

You could be a clumsy ass spreading laughter. Or maybe you’ve stirred a reaction as offensive, as passing gas in a crowded room.  Trial and error. Live and learn. What can you do but shrug it off with laughter.  Life is too short.

2. Ask for help and forgiving your own helplessness.

Adapting to a foreign country, I can’t be as independent as I am in my American lifestyle. It’s not my native environment and I don’t always have full control over the simplest things of my life. For instance,  I’ve had Korean salespeople at Lotte Mall  fill out forms as if I were an illiterate! 

Me: (pointing at the hieroglyphic word on an application for a department store point card)

Saleswoman:   Irum.  “Name“

Me: (pointing to the next word)

Saleswoman:   “Address”….

Me: (opening my iPod for the hangul version of my address and slowly writing it down. It will take ages with my speed.)

Saleswoman:   Here, I will write it for you.

However, reliance on others isn’t a bad thing. As a solo traveler and woman, getting to be a damsel-in-distress feels good, now and then. It makes me feel like a woman; something I don’t always get to be when I have to do everything on my own.

3. Trusting the “way things are done” in another country.

Protocol exists everywhere. You won’t always know what it is or how to go about it, but the invisible wires holding up a support system are there. With time, you learn to see more proof of evidence to string your theory of how things work. Meanwhile, as a traveler, you’ll need to seed your intuition and gauge whether something feels right or not. However, in dire times, you won’t have much of a choice.

In Korean society, trust is the operative word. It’s one of the few countries, where you can leave your purse in shopping cart and come back to it 10 minutes later, without anything missing. That’s just how the society is. Within my first week of work, I had to release enough confidential information to tempt identity theft! All the things I was taught not to give to strangers, …erase. My choices: trust my Korean colleagues with my personal information or don’t get paid.

Other occasions, I’ve had a salesperson at a Frisbee/Apple store offer me the use of his credit card, when I didn’t have a Korean credit card to make an online store purchase.  I’ve also had a bank representative at my bank, tell me that the only way to close my account and transfer my money abroad, is to “ask a friend for a favor” and do it for me.

… All I would need to do is give them my bank book, pin number and a copy of my passport!

But all this, is the Korean way.

4. Unspoken understandings and going with it

Every country has a way of expressing itself through unspoken understandings and there’s always deeper cultural catalysts, which you, as a foreigner, will not know about. It will present frustration and misunderstandings in your relations with native country folk. This can’t be helped. The best things is to raise your antenna, try to pick it up and flow with it.  If this fails, then apologize for your ignorance as a foreigner.

I’ve asked questions to my Korean co-teachers and not gotten answers. How can someone pretend to not hear a question you’ve directly asked to their face? It happens. It was very frustrating to feel ignored, until I realized, my Korean co-teachers simply didn’t know how to respond. It was easier to pretend not to hear me.

Another time, I was on the bus with expat friends. They were talking loudly and laughing and bothered Koreans would turn to give me a scalding look and speak something in Korean to me. They didn’t cast this evil eye to my friends, who looked Caucasian. Instead, I got dealt the punishment. Me, the Asian, whom they thought I was a fellow countryman. They assumed I knew Korean etiquette.  In defense, I’d shrug my shoulders and say very enunciated English, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re saying to me.” When they realized I wasn’t Korean, they apologized and dismissed it.

5. Finding a supportive community

It’s likely, the expat and travel community will be your main home support network. I’m not saying don’t make friends with locals. On the contrary, definitely make friends with locals, so that you gain friendships and a richer understanding of the culture! But while you’ll experience many acts of extraordinary goodwill and kindness from locals of the country (and it is possible to befriend them); there’s a brick of a cultural and language barrier to break through first.  In the meanwhile, your fellow expat and travel community is your best translation resource, with which you’ll share many useful tips and gems of information.