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Varanasi’s Holy & Humorous Underbelly Tour

uay

Uday

Sunday, Oct 5, 2008. Varanasi

As raw as Varanasi seems, there’s a humor to it. It  takes a while to find, but if you do, you might just fall in love with this city.

This is something a fellow backpacker, a U.K. gent, told me on my first day in Varanasi after the initial culture shock had settled into me and I was contemplating getting the next flight back to Delhi. I’m glad I remembered what he said because I remember it to this day and this is the best way I can explain Varanasi to others.Afterall, what can you possibly find funny about a polluted city, dirty and raggedy streets occupied by lazy cows, dodging touts and sketchy folk, who spit betelnut juice out in front of you?

Well, somehow if you look, you do find the humor in Varanasi, as you do with a lot of India.

And it invites you just laugh with this city…

saibaba in varanasi

Guru Sai Baba (a well-known Indian saint) Humor: Baba Black Sheep?

cows

cows

cows in india

cows in india

cricket

Airport workers playing cricket

indian monkey

indian monkey

Mr. Uday Singh and The Underbelly Temple Tour

NOT having a patience for touristy things, I walk the streets and come upon Uday Singh, a “palmist” who tries to read my palm… badly. Then he tries to tell me he’s a tour guide.

We go to his “friend’s” store on the main road and from the surprised looks I get from his friends, I know he’s trying to play a fiddle with a banjo! It’s likely he’s not either.

Yup, live scam here and I’m his first fish.

But Uday, I assess, is a harmless ‘storytelling’ (aka ‘liar’) sort, whom I quickly realize can fill my day with a few theatrics and possibly unique experiences. I decide to let Uday work for his 100 Rs ($2) and tell Uday that while he doesn’t have to be accurate, he does have to be entertaining.

With that, he proceeds to show me the “unofficial” sights of Varanasi.

First, Uday took me on a tour of his friends’ house temples . Many of these houses were small rooms with open doors and window. Despite the openness, some were still quite dark.  Family altars ranged from minimal to ornate. Hindu followers put much into their daily devotion.

But then we started to get too deep into the alleyway homes and less where tourists roam, I started to feel reluctant. Varanasi’s wat neighborhoods can be a maze of alleys. I didn’t like that I could get lost and if I got too far off the main drag, I’d easily be vulnerable to possible danger.  Uday could lure me into trouble, perhaps a scam, or into a house, where I could be raped. I wasn’t about to take chances.

I told him I wanted to leave and go the bigger temples.

 

Temple street feet  and the number one rule of Hindu temples:

Uday acquiesced and so we also walked to larger community temples (photo below). Uday’s explanations of temple rituals and regaling stories in truth, were entertaining.

temple in varanasi

temple in varanasi

When entering temples, … YOU HAVE TO TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF!

Sorry, but it’s an unavoidable rule. With all the cow poo and pissing that goes on in the streets, removing footwear is the last thing I wanted to do. So, I walked with cupped feet.

Devotees brought Ganga water in tiny cup bowls for worship, using it to anoint statues of their gods. They offer anything from flower garlands, thrown petals and sweets. Thousands make pilgrimages throughout the day, trekking in and out of temples with Varanasi “street feet”. (Street feet is my word for it. Your feet dipped in ganga water and street dirt is enough to make a slightly gross watery mud, which you will put back into your sock or shoes)

no shoes

no shoes

An explanation of ‘How Indians perform their temple ritual’ | from the Uday Singh Tour

Leading me through a Shiva temple, Uday begins…

After you enter the temple…


1) “You ring bell as if ringing the doorbell of a house you wish to enter. Here, you are calling on God’s house”

( knock-knock, ring bell)    “Hello God- are you home?”

2) “Stand in front of altar and make your offering of flowers-food-money”

“God- I bring you a housewarming gift “

3) “Touch statue & then lightly touch between your brows and then to heart. This is prayer for the spirit of god to enter you.”

‘God, you are in my heart & spirit”

4) “Make your prayer and tell God what you want”

5) Take Prasad from the priest. (Prasad is like an exchange “gift” in the form of a red tikka or dot between the eyebrows, a sweet or a rope tie)

 God says “Thank you, please come again”

Uday is pretty damned good, right?

But then, Uday Singh touched a dripping Ganga altar with his hands and roughly smears the Ganga water all over my face. (ewww…  Ganga water is technically very filthy…) Then he took prasad from bowl and force fed it into my pursed germaphobe lips.

Our last stop was the popular Monkey Temple, where there were ongoing rituals and devotees, waiting for worship service to begin.

The day was coming to a quick close and I could tell by Uday’s anxiousness, that he was starting to wonder how he could make more money off of me. His jovial nature turned dark and irritable when I didn’t agree to being taken anywhere else. I could feel his growing desperation. Then he asked me to pay 200 rupees vs. our agreed 100 rupees. I told him I’d pay what we agreed upon and he wasn’t happy. It wasn’t going well.

It was time for me to make a quick exit before his temper rose. I put the 100 rupees in his hand and quickly walked away.

Haggling for a rickshaw and getting left in No Man’s Land

The shitty thing about being a traveler is that you never know the actual lay of the land. You don’t know how far or close things are from where you’re at. It makes you feel helpless and vulnerable.

From the temple, I decided to take a rickshaw back to my guesthouse. I haggled with the driver. He wanted me to pay 80 ruppees, but I knew locals were only paying 40 ruppees (I actually asked Uday how much it cost to get back before I left him). So I was stubborn with 40 ruppees. Fine, the rickshaw driver sulkily agreed.

Five minutes he dropped me off in nowhere remotely recognizable. I felt stranded. He refused to go further and just left. I was pissed.

So I went around asking locals for directions back to the wat neighborhood I was at. I decide to make the best of being lost and do some leisurely exploring. Then, when it started to get dark, I followed several pointing fingers back to the main ghat, which would put me back in the perspective of knowing where my guesthouse was at.

On a lighter note…

The Rising Ganges and it’s water height

An interesting fact in Varanasi is that the water height changes. On the ghats, you see temples and guesthouses/hotels, etc… raised high and with steps leading up to it answering the call of a really challenging Step-Aerobics class. This is because during monsoon season the water levels can get pretty high and half of the original ghats in Varanasi are submerged under water.

ghat

Temple flooded by Ganges River

Tonight I am off to attend the evening Aarti at the main ghat with Lee. The performance starts at 7P ; I hear it’s beautiful and not to be missed. I shall take dinner and then get dressed and go. Have to run now.

 

Related Varanasi Posts:
Ghat Life in Varanasi
Varanasi Stains
The Lessons of a first-time Solo Traveler in India
Nightmare Hotel in Varanasi
• Video:
“Sunrise on the Ganges”, Varanasi
• Video:
Varanasi’s Ganga Aarti
• Photo Essay: Dostana
Travel Tips for India

 

 

One Comments

  • “Sunrise on the Ganges”, Varanasi (*travel video) « says:

    […] …My boat cruise down the ganges at 6A felt beautifully special …and not, with reason that at least a 100 of other tourist boats were out on the waters racing to make the length of the Ganges before sunrise! By boat is the only way to see the overall bathing ghat life, morning sun salutations, chanting, meditations, yoga postures and people washing their clothes on Ganges. Man, woman and child are there- a dip in the Ganga water is considered holy and purifying, so many lather up and take a baths in it too! Most are so devout and absorbed in their water ritual, they can be nonchalant about the 100+ tourists boats observing and photographing their every move. [Excerpt from "Varanasi's Humorous Underbelly"– Click here for actual blog…] […]

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