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13 responses

  1. Ellen Park

    Oh, btw, “your SECOND?! boyfriend” thing was probably meaning “WHAT? you mean you have two boyfriends at the same time”, no? I doubt she meant to imply “loose girl” haha

    • Christine Ka’aloa

      @Ellen: ha ha… I hope not, but after my reply to your comment, I’m sure we westerners all sound either, a bit whore-ish or more informed. LOL.

  2. Ellen Park

    Hi :)
    I just stumbled upon this website while trying to find out some info on Bangkok’s ping pong show… haha I was curious as I see them often in the night markets.
    Anyways, as a Korean girl of 25, I would like to make a comment on this interesting article from my own experiences.

    It is true as some guys in the comments mentioned, most girls lie or never talk about sex. I have very close group of 6 girls from college(the supposedly “nerdiest” university in Korea) whom I’ve been hanging out from 19. We all had boyfriends except one girl, and it was only at the age of 25 that we started talking about sex, that is 6 years since we’be been best friends. Only three of the six talk about it time to time, because one has never had a boyfriend before, the next is very conservative so we think she hasn’t had sex yet, and the last one recently got married but has not brought up the topic yet to the rest of us. The three of us only talk to each other about sex, never to other three.

    The very little reliable information available plays a big role too. Since most girls have trouble finding someone with vast experience in sex to talk to, they rely on little resources from their few very trusted friends or “the internet”. Like in Susan’s case, that friend can be very important! I had to use internet too sometimes when my down there was itching or didn’t feel any orgasm, but what I read were all SO WRONG, now that I look back. Yes, the internet says that many women do not experience orgasm at all in their lifetime. And the tips to getting one are really stupid. Also, most girls don’t even think about playing with yourself so they don’t know about their body. The boys have similar amount of knowledge topped with what they see from porn so they only know how to maximize their own pleasure – which also leads to girls freak out from the first time’s pain. Likewise, many girls believe that birth control pills will make you infertile forever and this sort of information is what we get on the internet.

    An average, conservative Korean parent will scold and ban their daughters from coming home late or going on trips to other cities or sleeping over at a girl friend’s house because it could be an excuse to stay out with their boyfriends. The friend that just recently got married confessed that the fact that her husband agreed on her going on trips with her friends sealed the marriage deal because her own parents didn’t let her. Most girls live at home, it is very hard to have a legitimate sex life until you are married. (I tried to move out once but my mom threatened to cut all ties with me forever……….this situation may change if you are over 30) We have lots of love hotels rented by 2~3 hours and DVD rooms equipped with a sofa-bed and a box of tissue instead. In this kind of environment, i think it’s harder to feel very comfortable for the girl to relax and enjoy.

    But still, it’s not all that bad, “Susan” is not the average at least.

    • Christine Ka’aloa

      @Ellen: Thanks so much for sharing your experience and comment! As a westerner, I always think I’m misinterpreting certain aspects of the culture and I get informed up to a point. It never feels like a whole picture and this leaves me with even more questions, as the difference between Korea and the West is vast in regards to the topic of sexual freedom.

      I find the conservative attitude both, refreshing yet shocking. Sometimes, I wonder if Korean men are less horny than Western ones. In the U.S. kids are having sex from 14yrs (maybe younger) and teen pregnancy and disease is a problem to the point, sex education, condoms and birth control is spoken about openly. Films and tv sell sex to their audiences too. “How to talk to your lover, get or fake an orgasm, get multiple orgasms, turn your guy on,” etc… are articles you’ll find littered in glamor/fashion magazines like Cosmopolitan, Vogue, etc… at your local grocery check-out counter. And girlfriends (eek!)– sometimes, we have this saying that “gfs are scariuer than guys, when talking about sex”. Guys discuss “conquests” & generally, they lie. But girls are honestly gritty– they’ll complain about a guy’s penis size, if the guy was ‘a bad lay’ or give praise if their guy is “sensitive and giving” partner…

      I agree, the internet can be a bad source of information. Often, information is subjective vs. informational and factual. We all have to be smart about the information we take in.

      P.S. I will stand by what I said: I’m not meaning to be insensitive, but I do think many more women are able to have orgasms. More than they think. With or without a partner. But women need to explore that on their own. They need to talk openly with their partner about maximizing her pleasure. 😉 That’s been more of the western approach.

  3. Curious

    Korean women lie about their sexual life… Of course there are some women that actually save themselves for marriage, but from my knowledge, the vast majority engage in premarital sex, but most will never admit to it.

    Remember that more than half of the women are not christians, and they do not have the guilt trip of practicing sex, they are just afraid of being stigmatized. I am korean, and I’ve never had any problems with sleeping with my ex gfs. Actually, I’d like to add, most college girls will go out and have one night stands, and keep it a secret.

  4. Blah

    There is a lot of talk about Korean culture being conservative, etc., but the reality is that people have sex everywhere, all the time. I lived in Korea for a while. I had sex with many, many Korean women, none of whom I married. Other Korean male friends did the same. There is a severe lack of sexual understanding, because it’s not “polite” to talk about it. But it’s happening. As in the states, only the prudes and religious nuts are saving themselves for marriage and even then it’s rare. Just ask the Christian girl from Pusan I slept with daily for 3 months.

  5. Joel

    Great post. Glad I dont need to worry about fishing in that pond.

  6. Amanda

    oh ‘susan’… that poor thing. she don’t know what she’s missing!
    But I agree, I think its very interesting and you wrote an exceptional post.
    Even my 30-year old, beautiful co-teacher, is still a virgin. She lives vicariously thru me hehe

    • Christine Ka’aloa

      @Amanda: BTW- even I would live vicariously thru you. Ha ha… Go ahead and burn some ears for me! 😉

  7. Nomadic Chick

    I think tons of countries, except for Europe is guilty of conservatism to some degree. But, oh my god – really? I guess if it’s a nationwide belief system – i can respect that. However, I’m apt to think there are some women who are actually curious, but meeting static instead of progress. However, as you said – the info is there, look it up.

    • Christine Ka’aloa

      @Nomadic Chick: Conservatism around the world is completely respectable and refreshing, but sex education is important. Guess I also found it a somewhat astounding to think of women near our age group, lacking such information in a first world country; whereas, in the U.S. we’re stigmatized if we don’t have enough sex (or sexual life). No one is praised for sexual abstinence; quite the opposite in fact.

  8. Laura Cancun

    Wow. Very interesting article. I would never have guessed that a culture with so much knowledge and technolody would know so little about the human body.

    I will, however, praise their moral values before marriage.

    Mexicans have no problems talking about sex. There is, however, a lack of knowledge regarding birth control.

    Did you ask what made those women “special”?

    • Christine Ka’aloa

      @ Amanda: Yes, that was a tempting line for me to not cross! I also didn’t cross it because I”m Asian. If I “looked” foreign, certain things are loopholed and assumed. For me, there’s an unconscious Asian pressure that’s actually similar to Korean– to not fall below the eyes of what’s considered respectable to another Asian. I was raised with a bit of that virginity/respectable mentality. My mom would prefer me to still be a virgin!
      @Laura Cancun: That would explain why Mexicans always seem to have big families. I wonder if for Mexicans it isn’t sign of prosperity to have a big family? Koreans don’t have big families. The thought is- more kids, more expensive (and apparently, the more dutiful sex!) I hear the government even has ads out encouraging Korean ppl to have more babies!
      As for the “special” women, she was leaning a bit towards overly-sexual (and there’s a bit of negative connotation to it). *ie I was teaching a Teachers English class & explaining something- I mentioned my “2nd boyfriend…” and that teacher was like ” your SECOND?! boyfriend”. Was a little shocked by her response. Yup. after my 2nd, I was a little “loose”.

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