Last Updated on April 15, 2024 by Christine Kaaloa
Sunday, Oct 5, 2008. Varanasi
Update: There are local guides who sincerely train for the profession of being a tour guide, through time, financial investment and hard work. India is strict about who can enter can work at prominent tourist attractions; those guides should be licensed and are trained to represent the information of that monument. Their efforts should be respected with getting the work. Please read my responsible travel tips.
Let me preface by saying, this was one of GRRRLTRAVELER’s first blog posts and what started my journey into solo travel survival. Although updated, I’ve tried to keep the sentiments the same, as the old me used to write with sarcastic sass.
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Varanasi is a love or hate with first time travelers to India. At first glance, it appears raw and gritty with pollution and scams, but there’s a humor and light to it. It takes a while to find it, but when you do, you will fall in love with this city.
This is something a Brit backpacker told me on my first day in Varanasi, when my initial culture shock had me panicked and contemplating getting the next flight back to Delhi. His advice is the best way I can explain Varanasi to others.
I was a new solo traveler and new to traveling India. Had friends not wanted to hop aboard a dodgy tour after we already planned and agreed upon our trip budget and itinerary, I would still likely be with them! But now I was on my own for the first time…in India.
This was technically my first Indian city traveling alone after having negotiated my way off my tour. Up until this point, I was having a rough go with shady dealings and it was an eye-opening experience!
Afterall, what can you possibly find funny about being in a polluted city with streets occupied by lazy cows lying on their smeared poop stains, dodging touts and bare-chested local men, who spit betel nut juice out in front of you?
… When your airport pickup van breaks down and you spend hours waiting alone with men in an empty parking lot trying to push start the vehicle?
… Or when you spend your first night in a bug-infested Varanasi room overlooking the ghats in a room with no windows and a fan ?
You need to really find the humor in Varanasi, as you do with a lot of India.
Which is why at this point… I decide to take a tour with a fake guide in Varanasi.
If you cannot beat ’em, why not join em.
Safely, of course.
Airport workers playing cricket
Table of Contents: I Took at Tour with a Fake Guide in Varanasi! | My Varanasi Underbelly Tour
I took a tour with a fake guide in Varanasi
Not having a patience for touristy things, I walk the streets in search of Varanasi sweets and snacks and come upon Uday Singh, a “palmist” who tries to read my palm… badly.
He tries to convince me he’s really a “tour guide”.
I’ve had street children solicit me as “guides”. Yeah. I don’t encourage child labor and in Varanasi, I know at some point, a scam will arise. There are well-known scams here. The locals know them. Some locals want part of that commission pie.
Like when my boat driver dropped me at the burning ghat, where a man took me on an “informal tour” of the funeral pyres, then to a dilapidated room with a mafia grandma, who suggested I offer “donations” to help pay for wood for family funeral pyres… and for my exit.
After escaping that incident- quite pissed at my boatman for depositing me there, especially because I did not want to get out of the boat in the first place– every Varanasi fake guide has offered to take me to the burning ghat. When I say that I went,.. they always ask me how much I paid.
Kickbacks and tourist scams. Varanasi is raw and tricky.. I was learning to see dodgy intentions quickly.
Read my post on common travel scams to beware of and advice on how I deal with them
We went to Uday’s friend’s store on the main road.
From the surprised looks I get from Uday’s friends, I know he is definitely not a guide. He’s either a scammer or an impromptu entrepreneur and I’m his live tourist fish.
But I like taking tours and Uday, I assess, is a harmless ‘storytelling’ and fabricating sort, whom I realize can fill my day with a few theatrics, local insight and possibly unique experiences. I just need to be cautious about where he leads me.
I agreed upon Uday’s 100 Rs – $2 USD, which in an economy like India, quite a bit – and I tell Uday that while he doesn’t have to be aprofessional, he does have to be entertaining.
With that, he proceeds to show me the “unofficial” sights of Varanasi.
My Humorous Underbelly Tour of Varanasi
First, Uday took me on a tour of his local house temples . Many of these houses were small rooms with open doors and window. Despite the openness, some were still quite dark. Family altars ranged from minimal to ornate. Hindu followers put much into their daily yogic devotion.
But then we started to get too deep into the alleyway homes and less where tourists roam, I started to feel reluctant. Varanasi’s ghat neighborhoods can be a maze of alleys of shops, homes, yoga ashrams. I didn’t want to get lost and if I got too far off the main drag or I’d easily be vulnerable to possible danger. Uday could lure me into trouble, a scam, or into a house, where not good things can happen. I wasn’t about to take chances.
I told Uday I wanted to leave and go to bigger temples in more public areas. Uday acquiesced and so we also walked to larger community temples (photo below). Uday’s explanations of temple rituals and regaling stories in truth, were entertaining.
1. Going barefoot in Hindu temples
When entering temples, … YOU HAVE TO TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF!
Sorry, but it’s an unavoidable rule. With all the cow poo and pissing that goes on in the streets, removing footwear is the last thing I wanted to do. So, I walked with cupped feet.
Devotees bring water from the Holy Ganges River in tiny cup bowls for worship, using it to anoint statues of their gods. They offer anything from flower garlands, thrown petals and sweets. Thousands make pilgrimages throughout the day, trekking in and out of temples with Varanasi “street feet”. (Street feet is my word for it. Your feet dipped in Ganga water and street dirt is enough to make a slightly gross watery mud, which you will put back into your sock or shoes)
2. Decoding the Indian Temple Ritual
Leading me through a Shiva temple, Uday begins…
After you enter the temple…
1) “You ring bell as if ringing the doorbell of a house you wish to enter. Here, you are calling on God’s house”
( knock-knock, ring bell) “Hello God- are you home?”
2) “Stand in front of altar and make your offering of flowers-food-money”
“God- I bring you a housewarming gift “
3) “Touch statue & then lightly touch between your brows and then to heart. This is prayer for the spirit of god to enter you.”
‘God, you are in my heart & spirit”
4) “Make your prayer and tell God what you want”
5) Take Prasad from the priest. (Prasad is like an exchange “gift” in the form of a red tikka or dot between the eyebrows, a sweet or a rope tie)
God says “Thank you, please come again”
Uday is pretty damned good, right?
But then, Uday Singh touched a dripping Ganga altar with his hands and roughly smears the Ganga water all over my face.
Ewww… I think to myself. Ganga water is technically very filthy. But I try to keep a composed pleasant face, knowing that local consider the water holy such that they bathe in it.
Then he took prasad from bowl and force fed it into my pursed germaphobe lips.
India was opening my mind and comfort zone with a crow bar.
3. Changing the agreed tour price
Our last stop was the popular Monkey Temple, where there were ongoing rituals and devotees, waiting for worship service to begin.
The day was coming to a quick close and I could tell by Uday’s anxiousness, that he was starting to wonder how he could make more money off of me. His jovial nature turned dark and irritable when I didn’t agree to being taken anywhere else. I could feel his growing desperation. Then he asked me to pay 200 rupees vs. our agreed 100 rupees. I told him I’d pay what we agreed upon and he wasn’t happy. It wasn’t going well.
It was time for me to make a quick exit before his temper rose. I put the 100 rupees in his hand and quickly walked away. So I’m cheap… what can I say- I’m currently unemployed and traveling India on my savings.
4. Haggling for a rickshaw and getting screwed
The shitty thing about being a traveler is that you never know the actual lay of the land. You don’t know how far or close things are from where you’re at. It makes me feel helpless and vulnerable.
From the temple, I decided to take a rickshaw back to my guesthouse. I haggled with the driver. He wanted me to pay 80 rupees, but I knew locals were only paying 40 rupees (I actually asked Uday how much it cost to get back before I left him). So I was stubborn with 40 rupees. I didn’t want to pay $1 for a trip that might be right around the corner and at that point, I was already feeling like I was wearing a huge neon sign on my head blinking “Naive”. The rickshaw driver sulkily agreed.
Five minutes later, the rickshaw driver dropped me off in nowhere recognizable. He refused to go further and just left.
I ask nearby locals for directions and they were giving me long-winded answers with a lot of pointing gestures. I felt stranded. But grateful I only paid him 40 rupees vs $1 USD.
When it started to get dark, I followed several pointing fingers back to the main ghat, which would put me back in the perspective of knowing where my guesthouse was at.
On a lighter note…
Tonight I am off to attend the evening Aarti at the main ghat with Lee, a Chinese traveler I met at my guesthouse. After last night’s horrible stay in my bug-infested room, I got up early to change rooms and found her waiting in line. I invited her to share an upgraded room.
The evening aarti starts at 7pm and I heard it’s beautiful and not to be missed. I shall take dinner and then get dressed and go. Have to run now.
